Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
where are my eyebrows?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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