But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
