I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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