She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
