look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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