She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
