he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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