So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
