Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
