She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
