the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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