So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
