Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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