I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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