hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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