Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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