airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
