I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
