youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
