I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
