I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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