like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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