i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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