Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize