Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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