They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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