Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
