mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
