I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
