Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
