So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Panties = found
Randomize