answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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