so explain again why im purple
no
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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