dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
this is an emotional support booty call
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
