if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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