you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize