Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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