Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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