Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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