she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You took a bar mat shot.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
