I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
