I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
