You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
