Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
