Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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