they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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