i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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