So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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