What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
