Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
