haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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