i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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