Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
