you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
