your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
