you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Mom said you looked used
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
