what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
