This is not my ceiling
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
