I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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