My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
