i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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