It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
