it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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