I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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