Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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