Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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