i would punch a child for taco bell
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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