Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just invented taco cereal.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
