I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
MIDGETS
????
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
