Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
