Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
