Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
