I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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