we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
